I’ve been making bad Premier League predictions for a number of years, and I’m back for another chance to look foolish.

I’ve also added commentary sure to piss off someone. Yes, yes, I know that I’m an idiot and wrong.

  1. Manchester City – the machine rolls on
  2. Arsenal – the team is improved from last season’s heights but also they don’t have Haaland
  3. Liverpool – revamped midfield fixes their biggest problem last season
  4. Spurs – no Europe to impede Angeball plus GK and defensive improvements
  5. Manchester United – one Casemiro injury from being Badchester United
  6. Newcastle – overachieved last season without Europe; still good, but not that good. Yet.
  7. Chelsea – underachieved last season, but still a mess in terms of team structure
  8. Brighton – well-run team with seemingly endless depth, but also going to be dealing with Thursday night Europa League matches
  9. Villa – doesn’t have the depth to increase league position while also playing in eastern Europe on Thursday nights
  10. West Ham – Set Piece FC if JWP is taking free kicks for Maguire and Soucek to nod home. hot take: they either finish top half or get relegated after Moyes is sacked
  11. Fulham – probably okay unless Mitrovic leaves for Saudi
  12. Brentford – probably a slight decline with Raya leaving and Toney missing half the season
  13. Everton – Sean Dyche is a wizard, and Everton will concede 45 goals or less
  14. Crystal Palace – Roy keeps them decent for one more season
  15. Nottingham Forest – they survived last year and maybe the squad all know each other’s names by now
  16. Bournemouth – lucky last season, but there are worse teams, such as:
  17. Burnley – will be fun to watch despite being outclassed by 16 other sides
  18. Sheffield Utd – could finish a few spots higher; could be relegated. idk
  19. Wolves – already had their coach quit and the season hasn’t even started
  20. Luton – “we’re just happy to be here”