This is just a soccer football blog now, apparently.

  1. Arsenal – You’d probably pick the prior season’s champion to repeat, but when their two nearest competitors have entirely new coaches and are coming off of underwhelming seasons? Yeah, this is Arsenal’s title to lose.
  2. Liverpool – Iraola was superb at Bournemouth, and I think a healthy Isak and a settled Wirtz give him a chance at the league
  3. Manchester City – The end of an era with Pep walking away. The players are still quality, but a Haaland injury and a new manager who doesn’t quite hit could make this interesting in a way that City fans haven’t seen in a decade
  4. Chelsea – No Europe, a new and improved manager, and a deep squad. They’ll be good again. Ugh.
  5. Manchester United – I guess? Carrick seems fine. Bruno won’t repeat last season. With CL football they could fall back.
  6. Spurs – De Zerbi appears to be a very good manager, and Spurs have spent a fortune (or a small art collection, depending on how you look at it) to improve. A 6th place finish would be a solid result after two consecutive 17th place finishes. If it happens, everyone probably feels like that’s good progress. An 8th place finish is probably completely underwhelming and could see the manager and ownership fall out.
  7. Villa – Will this be the year that Emery cannot juggle the squad and the competitions? Probably they’re fine, but I’m hopeful that they fall back enough that Spurs can overtake them
  8. Brighton – You could swap any of the three B clubs and I wouldn’t blink. They’ve all reached a level of consistency that defines the Premier League mid-table. Good enough to beat the big clubs, but just enough inconsistency (and lack of squad depth) that it’s hard to see them at the top of the table
  9. Brentford – They just keep getting a little bit better year over year. It’s incredible. It’s apparently not repeatable, because Spurs tried, and it nearly ended in relegation
  10. Bournemouth – I have, for the last two years, suggested that Bournemouth would be weaker after losing players. This season they’ve lost a manager and once again one of their starting defenders. I reckon they’ll be fine, but I’m putting them at the bottom of the B teams because they have Europe to contend with
  11. Everton – Moyes and a bit of stability. Feels like 2012 all over again
  12. Crystal Palace – If you offered Palace supporters 12th place and another European trophy, they’d bite your whole arm off
  13. Nottingham Forest – They’re more entertaining off the pitch than on it, but they have enough talent to stay away from the relegation battle
  14. Leeds – They finished 14th last season and someone has to finish 14th this season, so why not them
  15. Fulham – probably safe from relegation, but this could be a weird season with an unproven manager and a bunch of Spanish castoffs that may or may not be able to survive in the PL
  16. Newcastle – The 100m for Tonali is nice, but they’re gonna struggle without their best players. You could swap Newcastle and Forest in this list, and no one outside their supporters would notice or blink
  17. Sunderland – Massively overperformed and also made it into Europe, so they’ll fall back to Earth but probably not to the basement
  18. Coventry – Yes, I’m predicting all three newly-promoted sides to go back down. How original.
  19. Ipswich Town – Thanks for playing, lads.
  20. Hull City – One of the worst teams to be promoted from the Championship in recent seasons, but kudos to them for knowing it and not mortgaging the future in a futile attempt to stay up

These picks are 100% vibes and 0% data modeling. And 0% AI.